19.5.2017

19.5.2017

I am weak. I lasted about a half a week before giving up on running again. I’m back on the running wagon again, actually switched back to using a FitBit too. I basically asked my husband to just make me go for a jog. I’m one of those people who rarely does things for myself. I find it’s easier to do things for other people than for myself, which arguably is probably a huge part of my depression, but I’m working on it. So if he “makes” me do it, I’m doing it for him, for us to hopefully start a family this year, etc. It’s not about me at that point, and for me it’s just easier. Which is lame, but whatever, I have a plethora of character flaws.

This of course all was kicked back into full fucking force, when the lady at the local grocer asked my husband how far along I am. Which is hurtful for more than one reason. Firstly, I’m obviously not pregnant, but in this small town, I’m like the oldest person without a child and starting a family is something I want basically more than anything as soon as we are moved.

Obviously the second reason would be because I am obese (for me), and like thanks for pointing out (unintentionally) how fucking huge I have gotten. Why can’t I be one of those people who gets depressed and just doesn’t eat. I don’t actually mean that. But being the opposite of it, has its own equally annoying battles.

Mother’s day was a total drain on my existence. Not that it was too terrible, but as per I don’t really get along with my mom and she was a total fucking pain. Nothing was good enough, she hovered the entire time I tried (with my brother) to make her a nice meal. Of course, as soon as it was all said and done, she made sure to post on Facebook how great we are. Not because she actually feels that way, but because she wanting some degree of a bragging point. Frustrating, but it’s over, until next year.

I am still very much so looking forward to going home to the bay area in the next few weeks. I have a whole planned mapped out, plus Amtrak is running again, so no Greyhound! Which is honestly music to my god dang ears. They’re about equally as long of a ride, but I can sleep on the train, use Wi-Fi, and will have full access to a powder room. Which means the 9-am arrival time, I can be fully cleaned up and ready to hang with all my pals that day!

VERY GOOD THINGS

VERY GOOD THINGS

In my effort to work on my depression, here is my weekly installment of VERY GOOD THINGS!

  • As always the love and support I get from my husband and friends, is irreplaceable.
  • The family I used to nanny for, for 3 years, needs me to sit their kids for 72 straight hours, home in San Francisco. I love those kids so much, and am excited to get to spend some real-time at home, that I have never been so excited to work!
  • I got new SHOES! AirMax Thea’s; I needed new shoes so bad and this was just so satisfying!
  • When I am working in the city, I should be able to see an immigration judge, which *should* propel our move forward swiftly, fingers crossed.
  • I have been continuing my running at least 5x a week, which has been super hard, but I also feel like it’s improving my mood.
  • My husband and I had a really good talk, where I just let everything off my chest, about being here, my family, and my mental health. Which was a bit of word vomit, but so cleansing, and a relief to do.

What are you grateful for this week?

24.4.2017

24.4.2017

Today was a great day. We don’t get them often, but F and I had a lovely date day. Because of our current living situation, we are literally smack dab in the woods. This being the case, means going out for a meal, or doing… anything… is almost impossible. It has to be a conscious effort, to get out of the house and leave, to do something for a day. Because of this, there is no longer any room for spontaneity.

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April Shopping Crushes

April Shopping Crushes

No I didn’t purchase these item, instead they are saved in a lovely bookmark folder for “to buy later”. I consider myself pretty frugal as a person. My husband would likely disagree, but honestly if he even realized half the stuff I save as a “for later” buy, he would change his tune. I’m overwhelming obsessed with lapel pin collecting, so there’s going to be more than one, here and future. Sorry if you hate lapel pins! Here are some of my favorite saves for the month.

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Limbo

Limbo

This time last year, we packed up our beautiful life in San Francisco, naively believing that we’d be moving to England (my husband’s home country) shortly after. We moved in with my parents, as a sort of temporary stopping point. Problem is a year later,we are still here. I think parts of both of us thought it would be this easy process, first world country, to first word country. Well it has not been. It’s actually be a sort of disaster, that’s lead to a real slump of both of our moods.

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