19.5.2017

19.5.2017

I am weak. I lasted about a half a week before giving up on running again. I’m back on the running wagon again, actually switched back to using a FitBit too. I basically asked my husband to just make me go for a jog. I’m one of those people who rarely does things for myself. I find it’s easier to do things for other people than for myself, which arguably is probably a huge part of my depression, but I’m working on it. So if he “makes” me do it, I’m doing it for him, for us to hopefully start a family this year, etc. It’s not about me at that point, and for me it’s just easier. Which is lame, but whatever, I have a plethora of character flaws.

This of course all was kicked back into full fucking force, when the lady at the local grocer asked my husband how far along I am. Which is hurtful for more than one reason. Firstly, I’m obviously not pregnant, but in this small town, I’m like the oldest person without a child and starting a family is something I want basically more than anything as soon as we are moved.

Obviously the second reason would be because I am obese (for me), and like thanks for pointing out (unintentionally) how fucking huge I have gotten. Why can’t I be one of those people who gets depressed and just doesn’t eat. I don’t actually mean that. But being the opposite of it, has its own equally annoying battles.

Mother’s day was a total drain on my existence. Not that it was too terrible, but as per I don’t really get along with my mom and she was a total fucking pain. Nothing was good enough, she hovered the entire time I tried (with my brother) to make her a nice meal. Of course, as soon as it was all said and done, she made sure to post on Facebook how great we are. Not because she actually feels that way, but because she wanting some degree of a bragging point. Frustrating, but it’s over, until next year.

I am still very much so looking forward to going home to the bay area in the next few weeks. I have a whole planned mapped out, plus Amtrak is running again, so no Greyhound! Which is honestly music to my god dang ears. They’re about equally as long of a ride, but I can sleep on the train, use Wi-Fi, and will have full access to a powder room. Which means the 9-am arrival time, I can be fully cleaned up and ready to hang with all my pals that day!

VERY GOOD THINGS

VERY GOOD THINGS

In an effort to keep my positivity, and work on my depression, I’m trying to realign myself with the good things! I’m going to try and do a weekly list of the good things, from the previous week. 

  • My husband and our cat babies. Despite all three of them taking all the bed always, they’re the best.
  • Friends that are blindly supportive, no matter what. My ride and die crew who I love so much.
  • This week I dyed my husband’s hair grey and it looks so good, I could just die. 😍
  • Avocado bagels, with nooch and hymalean sea salt. 
  • I walked a 5k, which isn’t that impressive, but it was fun and it was beautiful. 
  • Discovering Macy’s takes PayPal, IN STORE. Hello new sunglasses!
  • The sun is finally shining! It’s starting to warm up, so no more socks at night!
  • Flonase and Allegra, hay fever bye-bye. 
  • A fully cleaned room! Deep cleaning sucks, but the results are so amazing. Nothing like the smell of clean sheets.


What are you grateful for this week?

24.4.2017

24.4.2017

Today was a great day. We don’t get them often, but F and I had a lovely date day. Because of our current living situation, we are literally smack dab in the woods. This being the case, means going out for a meal, or doing… anything… is almost impossible. It has to be a conscious effort, to get out of the house and leave, to do something for a day. Because of this, there is no longer any room for spontaneity.

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