I have a need to vent, please just scroll past this if you don’t want to hear a pile of ramblings.
I have a friend I have known my entire life, to the point she is almost a sister. I love her, I trust her, but I also sometimes wish she would get over herself. She’s one of those people, who has had mental health issues in the past, and with our history, I feel a social obligation to always be there for her.
In the midst of our move struggles, I have remain in state, as I have said before but I am 8 hours drive from home with no permanent access to a vehicle. My friends know that me coming to see them is an event, and I have only done it once in a year. Which I take full responsibility for, but take a 12 hour bus doesn’t seem fun for me, going one way.
So this friend in question, only calls me once a month, when she’s drunk at 11pm. She ignores most of my texts, but gets to me when it works for her, and she is always drunk. Aside from how blazingly unhealthy that is, as a form of a friendship, she really crossed the line last night, and I don’t know how to proceed forward.
Basically in a mess of super drunk rambling, she proceeds to beg me to hang out for two weeks longer, in an upcoming work trip to the bay area. And literally couldn’t comprehend why I wouldn’t want to be away from my husband for that long. Basically deeply sobbing, she was begging me to go and do this for her, as though my wanting to be with my spouse is somehow selfish. This is of course the same person, who when my (at the time) boyfriend, proposed to me, she took me to lunch to ask me what I was thinking, and why I didn’t ASK HER FIRST. As though I need her permission to marry whomever I so chose. When I told her we were considering trying to start a family, she questioned why. Why would I ever want to do that? As opposed to being a normal friend who just says they’re happy you’re happy.
She kept saying how I can stay there blah-blah for as long as I want, how she would love to have me, but then followed this by saying how she has no vacation time. So even IF I wanted to take her up on that offer and stay in the bay area for a total of 2.5 weeks, I would be forced to sit in her house, like a dog, with no car, waiting for her to get home. If that’s not insult to injury, I honestly don’t know what is.
So I brought up the point to her, that if she is so desperate to see me, she has a car, and the car drive is only like 5 hours. Which is a long drive, but considering me taking the bus or train is roughly 10-12 hours, I feel like that’s a lot less of an event. She could in theory leave at 3am, be here by 8am, stay for the day, leave at 5 and still be home by bedtime. She says to me, that the only reason she has to come here is to see me, so it would be like a vacation. The only reason I have to go home is to see her/other friends and I don’t think that;s a valid reason. Whenever we get moved I’m going to be a plane ride away, as well as until I get my permanent residence, I’ll be unable to come and go from the country whenever I please, so I’m curious how she thinks that’s going to work out.
I know this is just such complain-y, drama, nonsense, I’ve just come to a head where I’m unsure I can continue this bull with her. I love her, but my real friends don’t just talk to me when it works for them. My real friends don’t only call me at midnight once a month wasted and to top it off call me old, if I don’t wanna be on the phone at midnight. Even if I am wide awake, I live with my parents right now, who both work. I have no plans of being disrespectful to them, their jobs or their house. I am just tired. I have so many issues going on in my personal life, I don’t think I can take on her shit anymore either.
So what do I do? Do I cut someone off who I have known for 28 years? Do I try for the billionth time to tell this person that I can’t do this shit anymore? How do you create boundaries with a person, who you care about, but can’t see past their own nose?
Also if you’ve made it this far, thanks for sticking with this lengthy complain. Honestly, this blog will not become like this forever, I just needed to get it off my chest.