24.4.2017

24.4.2017

Today was a great day. We don’t get them often, but F and I had a lovely date day. Because of our current living situation, we are literally smack dab in the woods. This being the case, means going out for a meal, or doing… anything… is almost impossible. It has to be a conscious effort, to get out of the house and leave, to do something for a day. Because of this, there is no longer any room for spontaneity.

I have been depressed. I have always suffered with depression, I jokingly call it my millennial burden. The state of my depression currently, leaves me worried I’m so far down the rabbit hole, that if I don’t start working on it, right now, it’s not gonna get better. To combat this, I’m trying to have more gratitude in my life. Currently I spend most my waking hours complaining and moping about our current life situations, the unfortunate nature of it, and the things I can’t do to make it better. Most of these things are not in my control, and yet I am so focused on them, it consumes my every thought. My brother and I are incredibly close, and yet every time we get together all I do is complain about my relationship with my mom, or the consulate. It’s not fair to my friends, my family, to me, it’s not fair anyone.

Today, we took a day trip to Ashland Oregon, and did a bit of window shopping. We tried to do thrift shopping, but it was almost like there wasn’t any real thrift shops in all of Ashland. Now I am fully willing to admit maybe we just didn’t see them. I tried Goodwill, but even for a GW, the smell was so pungent I couldn’t hang.

We did find this little tiny thrift shop, Three Penny, that was decorated so clever, but the actual material they were selling was… lackluster to say the least. They had a minimal selection, and seemed to have almost no filter in the quality of clothes they were selling. They didn’t have a size section but they did have these really cute Petite, Curvy, and Voluptuous signs, that honestly cracked me up.

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The lady who ran the shop was even more awkward than I am. We were trying to leave when I couldn’t find anything I was interested in, and she kept talking to me. She chose when we were trying to leave the shop to start a conversation with me. My back was completely turned away from her, and she just randomly asked me about my vest and complimented my Stay Home Club back patch. It was nice of her to compliment, but I really wanted to leave and she started talking about buttons she’s started making and I literally had to tell her I “can’t stay here” and walked out, leaving both her and F alone. I am too awkward and too anxious to be forced to hold small talk with a shop owner. I am barely decent at holding small talk with friends. I know that it’s so rude, but I didn’t know what to do. I need like a personal assistant to follow me around and interject. I know what you’re probably thinking, why didn’t your husband just interject, but honestly I don’t think he was paying enough attention to my body language to realize how badly I had to flee. He was knee deep in work calls when all this was occurring, poor fella never gets a day off.

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We ended up doing a full afternoon of window shopping that resulted in a Sephora shop… which meant I left with 2 new Kat Von D Everlasting Lipsticks. I hadn’t ever actually bought one before, but I’ve heard so much good stuff about them, I couldn’t leave without one. I’ll probably end up doing a review on them later, but honestly, they completely live up to the hype. I even said to my husband (sorry for language) “this is dick sucking lipstick, this isn’t going anywhere.”

In having more gratitude for my life, I’ve been debating doing a weekly list of things I am grateful for. It’s so easy to get caught up in the negatives in our situation, but it’s not working for me anymore. This isn’t working for me at all, so I’m going to try to find things to be positive about weekly. This is my positivity for the week. It was a great day, with lots of laugh, treats, and good company. I hope for more days exactly like this.

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